Kiss
Puke
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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