there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
