how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
