she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
