I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
