Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The air was thick with penises
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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