I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
