So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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