She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
