You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
