What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
