Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
