Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
