so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
