Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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