those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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