My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
PANTIES FOUND
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