I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
