Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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