you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
