can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
