If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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