You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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