he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We need to rekindle our bromance
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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