The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
