I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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