i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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