how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
