My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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