dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
