last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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