You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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