so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
