You work out of a Hotel?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
