No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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