Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
