I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
