I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it because I queefed?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
