bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
