For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
