you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
