YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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