My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
