It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
