dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
