I love black thongs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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