I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize