I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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