Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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