Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
