Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
