you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
