He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
