and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
