at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
