Whod you bang
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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