Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
