if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just google imaged poop.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
