how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
