She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
