Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You smell like stripper and shame
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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