Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
