I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
