I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
