maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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