Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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