have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
