Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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