Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
