I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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