I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
